january 26 2020

i woke up fine but i was all sweaty.
day starts as regular i was kinda feeling slightly weak and my toes of right legs usually bends so i know that in my system there is some thing wrong or changing i guess it was changing my old habits in to a new one.like wise my whole life is changing the place i used to stay is changed, the food that i used to have has changed, the people i hangout have changed, so it was a new beginning as i have said previously also. and after morning i just sat infron of laptop and watched youtube and all which is i guess of no use because it didnt work out for me and i dont know what will work out for me. after having lunch paru(my sister) went to talk with dad about kalinchowk trip. it took her 2 hours to convince him to lets us go. then when he was convenced we called anjan so that to take out the money from moneygram which bijay dai(big brother who is in USA). brother had send for our trip. so he headed to bharatpur home (anjan's home) and we picked up anjan and anjana headed out to to take money we went to globle ime bank and we took out money and went for anjana and paru shoping after there shoping we went to gave us a reward and we to have momo and coffee in royal coffee shop and we planed for 1hr or so the we went to talk to our father's sister and her husband to ask permision for surey. so we talked for hr or so and we returned back to home then sushant called me and i had to return trigger to him so i took the trigger and went to meet them had a business talk i mean what we should be doing next and after that i returned home had a dinner watch movies and bed time stories started in my dreams.

its 27 january and there is nothing much to say because my life is getting boring and i am getting more and more frustrated by this shits going on so i am trying to take my chances and start new things. so in morning i felt like today i have to talk to anish so i calledd him its been long because of my matter about studies and family tour and travels so we meetup and he had a new song and it was his best till now and i will be his manager so lets see what will happen and then as ussual i came home and had lunch and sat infron of laptop watching god knows what and at night i thought of beeing a monk. i have told to myself that one the engineering is over i have to become monk for 3 years to master the mind and so i can learn the secrets of mind and monk were the best teacher but as i was raised in hindu family i have to fight with whole of my society and family. to be frank for 11 years  i was in christain school so i belive in christainity so after that i was hindu for next 9 years and now i want to be buddist for 3 years so i told my sister about being budist but she did over reacted and so i needed to talk with someone who wont react so i chose my ex who is in austrila and she was the girls who i really hurt and i am very sorry for that i was just a gerk and i was in my teenage and i fucked her up emotionally but karma is a bitch and after that i was fucked emotionally by my ex haha so earth is surly round what goes comes around. so lets continue i talk with her about being monk but she was like i dont care your choice and after that conversation i told her that she needs to forgive me and her reply were just wow she told me "now she dont hate me but she is also not sure weather she had forgiven me or not."
and i talk to dhurba and anjan vai about being monk. and ya i forget as i thought about being monk and wanted to smoke so i went to a shop and while i was smoking and thinking about being monk in a background out of now where the budist song started to play so i just felt like it was the sign from the univers so i have to figure out how can i go to become monk for 3 -5 years. lets see if i can make it happen.    

january 25 2020

i am really tired today. i dont know what's wrong with me and my body. it gets hot.yester day i went to bed and in morning around 2 am i woke up and i was all covered with sweat and but i tried to sleep for as long as possible at 4.15 am paru wake me up and and i went to take a bath and had some break fast, mum was prepering all food today was the day were we four and anjan and aangana went to janakpur to visit janakpur temple. let's go to flash back few months ago i had vibe and i felt like janakpur was calling me and i came home at that time i was staying in kathmandu. as soon as i came home i told mum i wanted to go to janakpur and due to family problem if this story opens in future i will open the case but for now i wont. so lets continue in the present oue tour started at 5.15am and man it was a tough trip... anjan and angana were vomiting and they were all out in whole trip with congusted. paru and i suffered the more. i am tired so todays main point was i had a degavu effect and i feel it was already planed for me to be at that same point in time and speak the same type of feelings. i mean the meaning is same i dont exactaly rember it but i felt it has happen befored and what that moment tigered was the feeling that i said in dejavu and reality. so the next point is there is a small female on every male. that female give him negative thoughts and try to only have fun. so the role of male in the mind is to take control over the female mind and correct its decision which is puarly based on emotional.

so i am really hot right now but also i want to finish this shit and get some sleep
gudnyte
sweat dreams

january 24 2020

I am back..
it was really intense yesterday. so today was the new beginning of my life chapter what ever i asked for was that i have got like i wanted my dad and mum to know about my decision about the college. so i could chose my dream to connect real world with digital world/or mind world. i woke up and talked with mum and she was like prashant you have to join bachelor just join it any field will work out. then after listerning to her i wanted to meet with othere who are my family i mean dad mum and sister. so i called bidur vai and sushant dai but they werent around and from now on i need a proper reason to get out of the house. then i went to smoke so that my head will be cleared. but it didnt than dai (sushant) called and told me to meet him so he is a family and my mum trust him so i asked my mum "mum i am going to meet dai" mum told why i replied i wanted to talk to him. then i went to meet him them it was me and dai at first then we talked and aasu came and bidur vai and sabin dai were also there. we all talked about business idea every one was very helpfull to me everyone wanted to see me get my life back on track. and i left dhawa and went to home and had lunch and did some house work and again sat in front of laptop and after few hours we all went to 13 day or someone's death he is far relative grate gand father whos age was 104 he died 13 days ago. as i reached there there was many who i didnt know but everyone who knew my mum and dad asked the first question what is your son studing that question made really awakward and my dad replyed he is doing software engineering and mum who is beside me say in my ear look this is what happens then i realize that i just have to been not seen with my parents so that they dont have to listern to me but not always just in social setting but people any way ask. so i have to do what i love but love is really complected word for me i wana figure out my passion so that i can create my own way. i guess my own way is that dream that i have seen for myself but at this period of time i have way many douts about my self. so lets continue i just got lost onto my thoughts.after that i went to my mums home and had coffee and we left and went to anjan's home and anjan was going for a shoping for himself and angana so he told me to lets go bro to buy us a jacket and we went to buy the jacket at first in just one shop we had found his cloth but for angu we had to search for 10 shops and at last we found a beautiful dress and the shop keeper was also really nice we talkedd and we had fun it was a fun environment in that shop but she didnt gave us much discount but it was ok.. and we return to my home anjan droped me home and he went and dad and i started to play card and i thing i was lucky i won rs 100($1) haha for me at this moment $1 is also really valuable. and after that game i am here writing this diary ok gudnite lets see what will tomorrow will bring....

january 23 2020

HY.
I didnt expert this day to be like this. as I was in anjan's home i got up at 9.30am and then talked with
the remaining one's and anjana wanted me to drop her at her college and i came back i told everyone (who were awake) bye and paru and i returned home and after returning home anish called dme we went to our new hangout place that was near to my home. we had cigrade and lemon tea (but i had ordered milk tea and owner didnt had milk so he made the lemon tea) and we talked about the business idea and about joker and media an all. the paru called me and said me to came back home father wanted me to be at home. after that i came home but when i was at my home father was acting like he was irritated by me i didnt know why he was giving those vibe we had our dinner and i came back to room and started to look youtube haha my bestfriend. shisir called and told me he was about to leave kathmandu and was comming to chitwan(chitwan was on the way to reach dang) i said ok when you reach near chitwan call me. the mum just entered the home as the three were in another room talking with eachother i was all alone with myself and laptop then mum called me to be with them why was i being so loner. and i went to there room and sat with them but father's behaivor was i dont know what it was but like irritated. and mum sparked the topic about my education and her break was over so she went to her office(paru had already told mum that i am droping out from my college)  so lets go to my flash back i dont know what was wrong but software engineering was the subject i chose 5 years ago and for 5 years i had lied about my reasult with my familly. i even created the fake result sheet to show to my father as i thought he would had heart attack if i told him that i had failed. so lets continue and my father had a little hint that i was not going to pass my engineering but he had faith that some day i will be and engineer as he told me and sugeted that i should do engineering i didnt even spoke a word but at lasts the told me option that i had to study or to do job and i told him i would do a job. and he went to toilet and again came to us and told me that he trusted me with my world.lets go to flash back about trust he was not sure that i had shown him the proper result so he told me that he wanted to go to my college and talk with my teachers and at that point i had many back that i had hide from him so i told him father why dont you trust me i am old enough so you dont have to go to my university to check my studies and he trusted my world and he didnt went to check on my college. so now lets come to prestent and he headed out for a bit and paru and i were talking with each other. i had a mix feeling of relif and guilt. relif of telling the truth and guilt for ruining father's dream. so after some time he came and told us to go to next room and he went to sleep and mum came paru told me everything is going to be ok and now i have to get a job or something and join a bachelor that is way easer or something like that then shisir came and he called me telling he was at narayani and i had to go there but i couldnt say my father that i wanted to go out and meet a friend so i waited for 15 min then once father and mum went for shoping i took the bike and reached narayani. he had waited for me for 20 mins and we talked about my condition and his condition and smoked some cigerates while talking about our problem and where life was talking us and then he went to dang and i returned home and laptop and dinner and played cards with my family and watched movie terminator and went to sleep. 

january 22 2020

hy there its 22 jan and its fucking boring.. ok lets talk as morning routine i got up and my regural morning started and i thought it was so boring day i was staring outside the window and thinking its really bad day or i am just being bore by this day. so i needed to smoke and i got out of my home and i saw my friend called ritee and we talked and i told her that i wanted a job so that i can get little amount of pocket money for my self. she had a job at her sister place but it was kind a lame job so i just said no to that and told her to look for more jobs and she went to her office and while i was comming back to my home anish called and we went to have tea and we talk about new ideas. ideas like doing business what should we do to get started. after some time we returned to our own places. and i was agin searching for the way to earn money i got bored so i went to meet bidur played 2 game of pubg and hangout in dawa and i returned again then sat in front of laptop watching all the things that doesnt even have a worth or what. after 2 months of lack of money today finally dad gave me money for my dental appoitment and i headed out for the appoitment and it was fucking painful. after appoitment i came to pick up my sister and called sushant my brother and we meet up had coffee and talked. then i took my sister to bharatpur home(anjan's home). and after meeting with our big father and mother we went to meet with our other big father and mother while we were talking with them the group of people maximum unknow face with some known face came. they came to stay at anjan's place so big father and mother had them make a introduction like in engineering raging. every one was giving there introduction and at that moment my face and ear started to get hot i didnt know what was going on. in backgroung i talk and crack some jokes but more near my turn come for intro the more i got nervous. i felt "fuck what am i going to say" "what if my voice dont get loud enough" "what will this new people around me will think about me" and i got nervous. and my turn came i wanted my turn to over fast. i told "namasta i am prashant. my father is prakash and my mom is shila. i have a sister and i pointed out to paru. (i thought i should not miss angu and anjan so) and all we here are brothers and sister and my big mom asked where do i live i told bharatpur 10 and she asked me about my studies? i told i was currently studing in ncit as a software engineering and i am colz passout that means i have some backs and if i pass i will be engineering and my turn was over and then every one said there intro and the best intro was of anjan his confidence was really good. after that we went back to anjan's home and had a discusion about what to have for dinner(the planing was to get 10 butter nan, 2 chicken curry, 2 momos, i pound cake and 2 chicken chilly) then we 4 boys left the girls and kid back at home and went to our food hunt. at first we ordered the cake and we moved forward for nan and curry and and the told me lets cut the nan number and reduce so the only brought 6 nan and 2 curry after that we went for momo and chilly hunt aasutosh and me went to get the cake that we have previously ordered and anjan and susovan went to order more food products. as we just reached the bakery the bakery was allready closed but i saw lights were still on so i called the number on there billboard and they told the back door is open. so we went inside throught the back door and grabed the cake and went to meet up with anjan and susovan there were in a cafe and in cafe we talk about human mind and the univers that each and every one of us have inside. and when the order was done we went to home to have a party but it was late like 9.45pm or so . as soon as we reached home we started to eat and all 11 were hungry as fuck so it literally took us 5-10 min to finish all that dish and it was not enough so again at 10 pm we had to go out to have nan and all the shops were closed but in pulchowk the food shop were still open. then we talked laughed and we got again 10 nan and it took us 1 hr to get that nan and return. after that we ate nan and cake and the party was over and we watched youtube commedy circle till 2 am in the morning and went to bed.  

january 21 2020

lets talk about today..
as a dailly morning wake up at 8.30 and had luke warm water and breakfast and today i wanted to figure out the way to make paypal work. i started searching for online banks but it may be my bad luck that every online bank want me to be US citizen. a lot of searching and all hope turning into ashes.. then i had my lunch and a friend of mine "anish" he called me and told me to meet with him. then i left my home and i meet him in nd's and we started talking about present condition. i told him that i am going to get a job. and he was like now your talking.. for this lets go to flash back after read rich dad and poor dad i had my mind shifted and i went from trying to be and engineering to droping out of college and trying to figure out the way to earn money with passion and planed not to work 9-5 jobs and be a boss of my own so in past i had many offer to do 9-5 but i was just so arrogent that i didnt even talk to them properly and lets come to present... as my stage of being broke and being total dependent on others i really wanted to be independent so i chose to do 9-5 job. and my friend also thought that the motivator speaker are just a scam and they are brain washing us to get them to work fro them. and we are planing to do a podcast about this topic after we can make changes in our own life so once we can rise from our hustle then we can show it other wise its like two delusional people doing the same so i hope we will do that. then after that he went to learn car driving. and my brother anjan and his friend sakti (who is like a brother to me) came to meet me and we talked abou silly thing laughing and enjoying then i called my brother sushant and he was at "basbari" and he called me that and i went there and after reaching there pubg started after 3- 4 games and hanging out we all went to dhawa our first juction and had tea and talked about girls there was this girl in instagram who had wear see through tshirt and we talked about like todays girls they dont care or what and all male talk being lusted over the picture zooming the picture so see her tits trough tshirt and my brother left and me and bidur was only left so we talk about opening fun park or what kind a bussines should we do so today i wont talk more about it if any one wants to invest on me or my idea then please contact me. then we left for home and after reaching home. and i told my sister to lets go to ride scuty (she dont know how to ride scuty so i am teaching her how to ride scuty) we ride for 30 mins. and came home and again started to do my research about online bank but again it didnt worked out. so after having dinner our family time is playing cards so we started playing card and today i wasn't lucky so i lose every game and every time i played. and now after that i am here writing dairy bye gudnite ..

january 20 2020

Hy there..
to know myself i feel like i have to make a diary so lets get started.
today is a new day so i think its ok to forget all about yesterday and lets talk about today and so on.
as it is 20 jan 2020 , monday. and to be frank i am a future billionaire but at this stage of life i am completly broked. i live in a 3 room appartment with my family. In my family there are 4 members. dad mum sister and me. so lets talk about me. I day dream a lot, and i am super lazy, i dont belive in 9-5 job to sustain my living but i am so broked that my friends and family are paying all my hangouts with them. sometime i feel like its really bad. so now lets go to my day and see how do i spend my days. as we all know morning is the best but i wake up at may be 8.30am. then day starts with drinking 2 glass of luke warm water. then today and old friend who is in USA has send me a message in messanger the we talked about our lifes and some bussines idea. he is planning to open a resturant in kathmandu(is the capital of nepal). so we talk for a while and at the same time i was having my break fast. after that i got and idea about nepali foods like momo ,chaumin ,laughing ,choila ,etc that would be great for australia. so i call a friend friend who was in australia to give him the idea about this type of resturent but i guess he already knew that and there were many such type of place for nepalees people to go and eat. i guessed he didnt needed my help haha. then i am smoker so in morning i have to have one. so i checked my wallet but as a mater of fact i didnt even had a single penny. so i asked my sister for the money but she refused me. as a going to be a doctor she didnt give me monney to smoke some how i manage to get rs5($0.05) and went to get a smoke while smoking i thought that this is it. i even dont have money to buy myself a cigerate and i planed to finding a way to earn money. after that i came home and sat in my laptop and started searching online jobs but i need to have paypal account first and the bad luck is that the bank in our country is not valid by paypal. i have payoneer prepaid mastercard but that also doesnt work as paypal dont accept payoneer bank account. after that i had a lunch and after finishing my lunch i wash my dishes and got into a small fight with my sister. she wanted me to take her out and i was going outside to meet my friends. i got angry and i left home i took a bike ride. while riding the bike some unknow dude in pulser 200ns challenged me not literally but i felt like he was so the race begins and while racing i got ahead and i reached the destination but i was there all alone my friend havent even arived at. after some time they arrived and left one of my friends bike in a workshop and to pass our time while the bike was being repaired we went to have tea with cigerates and still the bike wasnt reapaired so we thought why should we wait here when we can go to your hangout place so we left his bike and we took off. and came to our hang outs and boys started to play pubg and i was watching youtube vedios.
after some time we got on house dish as it was his last day of his work on that reasturant and after that i also installed pubg and started playing it. i installed it because of the trigger. and after one game and some snacks my sister called me and said me to come home. so i left the guys from there and while i was leaving and when i came near the bike i thought shit man again i have eatten so much and i didnt even gave money or i didnt even have money. money was the main problem for me. beause of lack of money i dont hangout with my friends that much i prefer to stay in home and sitting infro of laptop all day long. i know my friends know my condition so they never make me feel that i dont have money. but it stricks me. because of one past incident with me. lets go to flash back ....
i was with my ex and her friends and at that time i didnt have money and i thought that its ok if i dont have money this time. every time i had but at that time i didnt and we went to eat and played a game of ludo so that the one who wins wont have to pay for food and her friend won and at the time for pay she ask me for money and i told her i dont have any money right now and she replyed like disgusting you dont have money while you cane to meet your gf. and she payed my money also and while returning i didnt know that but she had kept some money in my pocket. so from that day i kinda started to felt odd with everyone while hanging out i have to had money. so lets continue onn then i came home and my sister was all ready to go out the we went to our brother home and meet and three of them brother sister and sister collected some money and we all went to get some food in black forest resturent. after we had food and talk about have a trip. me and sister left brother and another sister and we came to our home and at that very moment i found rs20($0.2) in my pocket and i was so happy so i left her and wenk to have another cigrates and came home this is the end of the first diary now i am still searching for a way to earn money online. lets hope i get this figure out fast. see you soon.